ADD and Growing up

I'm seeing if I have ADD still compared to the observations and registering it. Why? Because I am generally frustrated at my lack of concentration. In high school I was ok with my A, B, C standard I seemed to have depending on how much I could understand and concentrate on a subject. Because it didn't exactly matter then.

Now, however, it matters a great deal. I can't have more times when I am worried as hell that I haven't managed to pass. So I got up the courage, asked my shrink where the office is for registration and have started the progress to figure out whether I am or am not faking ADD. I'd prefer having it to not having it because it means my dopey behavior and my issues with completely being unable to do stuff some days because I can't focus are not just in my head. Instead it is a chemical progress I can solve and make it so I can be more how I want to be.

Of course... My mom doesn't understand. The past several months I have tried and failed to get a job because I couldn't get up the nerve to go out and explore. Not only that but it takes an hour to get to any businesses nearby... So I was waiting til my bike was fixed or I had time to get to a place and be able to get to a place for shifts. My mom assumes it is my laziness when my laziness is because I think on things.

I often times need a push to go do something when I am afraid. My shrink and getting assessed for ADD only really happened because Mom was going "Do that now". But when it comes to thinking on things... I need the time to focus and think and research just enough that when I bring myself to do it I won't mess up too badly. But my mom does not understand that about me and calls it laziness... I do not have the self esteem or nerve now to tell her to look at the definition of ADD but if she did... She would understand how much trouble I have now.

And... Probably still be as grief inducing. But that is a part of my growing up. I have learned to understand that no matter how much I wish my mother was not the way she is about things... She grew that way through particular reasons and frankly... I'm only peeved at how she is when it doesn't help me and only hurts me.